


It's the Quiet, It's the Word

by truejaku (hereonourstreet)



Category: DRAMAtical Murder, DRAMAtical Murder (Visual Novel), DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Adopted Children, Adoption, Children, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2015-08-10
Packaged: 2018-04-14 00:31:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4543314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hereonourstreet/pseuds/truejaku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mizuki has some things to tell his and Noiz's just-adopted newborn, and Noiz knows he's not supposed to hear, but he can't bring himself to leave the doorway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's the Quiet, It's the Word

**Author's Note:**

> might end up writing a much longer "mizunoiz adopts a kid" oneshot and use this idea in there as well, but i had to get this out of my system!

            You got into a small sort of fight that evening, just a little spitting match about what dinner was best for the ill baby, and Mizuki was close to tears before that anyway, so he told you he needed to take a breather and left the room. You haven’t spoken to him since then, and it’s been a few hours. That’s how you end up outside the baby’s room, planning to change out his blanket, when you find Mizuki in there, standing in the middle of the room, holding your son in his arms, his back to you. Your first thought is to walk in and apologize, tell him the fight was pointless in the first place, and you can forget all about it if he wants, but something roots your feet to the floor. Mizuki doesn’t know you’re creeping outside the doorway when he begins to speak:

            “Your father has done some terrible things,” he tells your child. You feel your heart start to race. What is he about to say about you? “I just need you to know that. That your father has fucked up. A lot. That you’re looking up into the face of a person who’s done some fucked up things.”

            Ah. He’s not talking about you.

            “And I’m probably going to do some more fucked up things. And I’m probably going to do some of them to you without realizing it. I’m sorry. I know your other dad thinks _he’s_ done some bad things, but he hasn’t, not really, not like I have. When you grow up, you’re going to have to tell other kids on the playground that I’m your dad, and you aren’t going to know it – shit, _they’re_ not going to know it – but you’re telling those people that a man whose been so selfish that he hospitalized… dozens of people is your father. I mean, I don’t know. I don’t know how to count it. Probably like, fifty? I hurt over fifty people. Because I was so upset they didn’t want to be with me anymore. And the people who got hurt weren’t even the ones who hurt me. They were just collateral damage. They didn’t deserve it. Can you believe that? Your father did that. That’s fucked up.

            “You know what your other father did? He fell in love with me, anyway. He knew exactly what I’d done. I don’t think he understood it completely, but he knew. And for whatever reason, he fell in love with me anyway. That’s…”

            Your boyfriend trails off and you hold your breath. You should tell him that you’re here, but you don’t dare. You need to hear what else he’s going to say.

            “Anyway. He’s going to tell you all the time that I saved him. And maybe I did, in some way. But he’s going to try to pretend that I was so amazing that I didn’t need saving, too, but I did. I just… I feel… selfish? I don’t know if that’s the right word. It’s like… I have a kid now. I have a son. And maybe more after you. But no matter how many kids we adopt, there are still kids out there who are going to go through the same shit I did. And he did. It makes me feel weird. That I can’t save every kid. But I want to save you. So I’m sorry that I’m going to fuck up again. I’m sorry. I don’t want to. But I think it’s in my nature, to feel like no one loves me, or like everyone is going to leave me eventually. I want to work on that. But I also want to make sure you never have to feel the same way. I hate knowing that no matter what, there’s going to be some need you don’t get filled from us. But I guess I just hope I do a good enough job that you’re able to tell me what that need is, and that you can figure out how to get it from someone else.

            “I think that’s the whole point of ending up with other people. I’m not going to be taking care of you forever. Eventually you’re going to need to move on and find someone else to help take care of you. You’re going to need to find the people who fill the hole that me and your dad leave. Or maybe it’ll just be one person. But it’s okay if it’s more than that. Just so you know. I guess it’s like… it’s okay if you need someone else to help take care of you. But I hope you never need anyone else to save you. Or if you do, I hope it’s not from us.

            “Ah, fuck. Anyway. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to tell you this again. Sometimes it’s hard telling people how I feel. I hope by the time you understand what I’m saying, I’ve worked on that. I’m trying to tell your dad more often what he means to me. So maybe eventually it’ll be easier for me to tell you what _you_ mean to me. I can’t stand the thought that you wouldn’t know how important you are to us, so… I’ll work on it. I promise.

            “For the record, I love him. I mean, I love Koujaku and Aoba and everyone. But I _love_ Noiz. I’m not sure how else to say it but to put more emphasis on it.” He chuckles, and your heart skips a beat. “I _love_ Noiz. And I _love_ you. One day I’ll explain to you why I put bandages around my throat so often, and that story will end with me saying, ‘And that’s why I love you all.’ Because I do, and I need you all, too. But one day I’ll also explain to you why I’m okay with taking those bandages off and seeing the fucked up skin underneath, and _that_ story will end with, ‘And that’s why I _love_ Noiz.’ I’m rambling now, but one day you’ll get it, I think.

            “You’re asleep so I probably should just put you back in your stupid crib. Okay.”

            Mizuki moves gingerly to put your son down and you quietly pad backwards to your own bedroom and try to gather yourself. You can’t remember what you were fighting about. There’s a blanket in your hand and you use it to dab at your eyes, just in case. You weren’t crying, but you weren’t exactly sure. You wait until you hear his footsteps coming down the hall and then you come out of the bedroom as if you’d only just emerged.

            “Hey,” Mizuki says with a nod of his head, as if he’s about to start a serious conversation. You walk past him briskly instead.

            “Suck it,” you say, flicking your tongue at him a couple times. You hear him snicker as you enter the baby’s room with the blanket. You change it out for the one in his crib and realize just then that you can never, _ever_ let Mizuki know you heard any of that. All you can really do is make sure he knows that you feel exactly the same.


End file.
